August: Before the beginning

Thursday, 17th of August, I have always seen myself as a kid with big hopes and secrets, and I couldn’t handle the worn beliefs nor the rotten beating heart of a human being. In my early years of consciousness I loved my experiences in reading philosophy, I remember reading for the first time to Schopenhauer and later to Nietzsche and I’ve followed blindly what they’ve said although at times I had different opinions. I can’t deny my love for Jesus character, his elegance of being a good man and I’ve sadly wanted to hold a cross necklace one day to represent my appreciation and love for such a great tortured soul. I’ve born in a strictly Muslim family, my father is religiously fanatic and my mother too. Since my childhood; I’ve never found the answer in religion nor praying and I’ve abandoned questioning god. Saturday, 20 of August “kiss me hard before you go, summer time sadness” it’s just the perfect time to say goodbye to summer and this line is from one of my favorite songs of all time. Don’t worry darling, enjoy your days and remember they hate you because they cannot be you, they harasses you because it’s the stupid way of human nature. Don’t worry, you are different, you are pure and beautiful and with this beauty you can create and change the world around you. Tuesday, 22nd of August, I realized that anger leads to no where and noise comes from an empty mind. There’s no way to control our future but through planning, caring about your surroundings is a necessity and do not forget nurturing your soul with knowledge. In my hospital days, I became more and more silent, you almost can never here the heavy sound of my breath, my silence is something many people that surrounds me noticed it. As much as I liked silence, I loved hearing different voices, one of the patients in hospital was singing a strange song, she always repeated it and I kind of heard the sound of the universe in her tunes. Thursday, 24th of August, I don’t want to be smart nor clever, I want to be dumb, dump human being, I want to be stupid bravery and integrity. I don’t want your evil intelligence! Sunday, 27th of August, I was living in a society that full of flaws, I raised in an environment where women’s are attacked harshly and disrespectfully when she does any mistake. I see myself grows as a perfectionist and literally didn’t want anybody to get to me, I failed in many ways.

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July: Notes from the past

Monday, tenth of July, It’s difficult to find the right words to describe Killing Joke’s history or musical impressions. I’ve always been fascinated about Jaz Coleman’s reflections on different subjects. For those who didn’t know him, he’s the leading singer and lyricist of this ancient post-punk band. Jaz Coleman is also a theologian, author of the book Letter From Cythera and a great orchestral composer. The band embrace mysticism from the beginning, many opinions on politics, global and environmental issues. I just heard this great interview from June’s last year on BBC radio and I loved to share it with you. https://www.acast.com/someonewhoisntme/episode8-jazcoleman
Wednesday, July 12th a talk I said on isolation and introversion: I totally agree and this reminds me of what schopenhauer said, ” almost all of our sorrows spring out of our relations with other people”. And you can imagine the diverse problems that it may create, I can tell you that I found an endless solace in isolation and I literally have zero friends but my family. My life is much better alone although, I can’t spend a day not reading or hearing or at least caring about the global issues that we create every day! Solitude is a bless and not anyone knows what it truly means to be alone, to have a space to write, to create, to reflect and most importantly to experience your life as a human. In another hand, I must say I have an ultimate pleasure in discovering pure souls and original minds, from painters, photographers to philosophers and scientists, history is full of such inspiring people. So, I don’t expect to find such people in my daily life but pain is worth it and it’s enough for me to find one in my whole life. And here’s the beauty of life in rarity and diversity and we must be adaptable and acceptable to others differences. I hope I made my point clear without any mistakes in English! Have a lovely day. Friday, July 14th I wrote some notes and memories from the past: I’m totally not a Law person, I love science a lot and I understand it completely and I get shocked when I studied Saudi’s law at first time. It was very rigid and full of lies. When I was reading the book, I posed on something that is considerable to human rights, the freedom of expression and existence of different religions for its citizens, I laughed sarcastically in myself saying: oh, really! What a lie! In addition it was a small paragraph less than half the paper from the whole book. Unfortunately I don’t remember the script exactly because I gave the book for one of my colleagues. This was in 2014, later when things happened and I went out of home to live in my own without a permission from any one in 2016. I get shocked again when they catch me by the police officer telling me: there’s institutes for human rights by the way!