October: A lot was gone, few remains

Monday 3rd October, a phone call from my mom telling me your brother came to get you out of hospital but they said the doctor must give him discharged paper. And I knew something bad is going to happen, it ain’t that easy. She told me to calm down and tomorrow she will talk to Dr. Effat, hopefully things will be okay.

Wednesday 5th of October, I just finished meeting and discussion with Dr. Effat it was good. She wrote an order a phone call and a visit. She said your mother or your brother can get you out by going to the hospital administration, it’s not a medical issue and we as doctors have no hand in that. In addition, your father can get you out in seconds. Travel wherever you want to travel and do whatever you want to do.

Monday 10th of October, I’m on page 200 from the butterfly effect. Another round was with sudanian male doctor, he make sure that my condition is stable and my residence is supported with medicines. Unfortunately, I forgot how I sorted my thoughts and how to write what happened masterfully at first time. But I think I made it clear enough to be understood. He asked me few questions and then decided to stay in hospital under observation for two or three weeks.

Thursday 13th of October, beside poetry I’m reading a book for self exploration unbelievably beautiful, colorful and full of joy. Many thanks to Dr. Anan for this dramatic change in my reading habit. Start where you are by Meera lee Patel is captivating she brought to me another two books to waste my time on.

Tuesday 18th of October, I wrote in this self exploration journal answering a question: being good despite all the pain I’m in. I will forgive who hurt me and I will forget. Despite my broken dreams I’m happy but not satisfied, I’m wounded but I’m not dead yet and I will complete my journey through this life stronger, this is what gives me light, the pain we’re in so, what about you?

Wednesday 19th of October, it’s clear to me now I’m going to drop my file from university even though I’m in half way, I made my decision after reading the art of thinking clearly by Rolf Dobelli. Dobelli explores the world of irrationality and the errors most of us do through thinking process. He said: the sunk cost fallacy is most dangerous when we have invested a lot of time, money, energy, or love in something. This investment becomes a reason to carry on, even if we’re dealing with a lost cause. The more we invest, the greater the sunk costs are, and the greater the urge to continue becomes.

On Monday 31st of October, another round and things are disturbed, I thought it was the final one, I thought it was the last, unfortunately, the consultant Dr. Aisha surprised me with no discharged, the reason behind that is the fucking psychotherapist! where the fuck she’s!? She didn’t see me, not even once. Here is the end of the month, things are ruins and I have rebuilt my hopes again.