It’s November, the weather is still hot but it will surely get cold on the end of the month. I can’t wait to start studying again. Everything was pure on a day before sunsets, and I’m trying to restore that solid moments of happiness. The leaves are fallen and prepare it self to a new cycle. I’m going to write with my tears, I don’t have other time to live. It’s time to bring the best in us, live wholly and truly. We are still young and I want to age gracefully, shine brighter through the years. It’s a vision that I created for myself, I want to live through pressed flowers, lavender breath, sweet November air with smells of books and fruits on a rainy day. It’s the sensational life that we observe first and what lie a head it’s a reflection of the mind, in its essence and its complexity. I want to write so I can see myself on papers; diagnose myself and find my identity between the letters. It’s for you who I write and me who I see. So, open your eyes gently and breath under the oak tree, you’re the king of your path. It’s you who I dream of, your lips presses against mine, you smell of oud and umber on jasmine, you told me you will never leave me, you told me I was like honey, years gone by now and I knew with time as it passes by that I will never here your voice again. Here I am covering my eyes with one hand in an empty room full of only darkness, I don’t want to hear voice, I don’t want to hear a voice.
On Tuesday 1st of November I received a phone call from my father, around 2:00 p.m. telling me he will come soon to see me. On the other hand, doctors assessments were around where is the psycho therapist? And why she didn’t sat with her? until now and for a behavioral reasons! The behavioral therapy due to my escape tendency and I must admit that I will stay for another month. I’m tired, I’m not tired. Things goes double and triple with me. and I don’t even know how or why. Things goes unsaid and silent. I don’t feel better than who’s worse than me, and I don’t adjust by that with my situation. I’m in trouble and I have to face that alone. Everything is countable and don’t ask me what that means? I don’t write for others, I’m writing for myself and for time, for the past and the future. Writing carefully and carelessly. I’ll have to give back the borrowed pen for that Indian nurse. I’m eating loacker biscuits with vanilla, it’s 6:30 p.m. I met my dad and I’m waiting for dinner, after that I will sleep like every day’s routine.
On Wednesday 2nd of November, I met a psychotherapist, finally, Tagreed was good with me, she was incredibly helpful, many thanks to her beautiful soul.
On 4th of November, its the 74th day of my inhabitant in hospital. The mood is normal and stable, I’m expecting a family gathering today. My sister spoiling me with my favorite meals. Nothing much to say, same boring routine, I’m wondering when I can breathe the wild air and taste the fresh mornings, mornings of freedom, mornings full of coffee smell.
Monday 7th of November, Thursday is going to be a special day! Today the consultant dr. Aisha decided to give me a vacation for three days! ” they call it out on pass” I agreed on most of the therapeutic plan, and now I’m just going to wait.
Thursday, 10th of November weirdly I was born on this day, but it’s not my birth date ha ha! Today, I’m having a vacation after 80 days of residence. I went to my mom’s house, took a bath and long periods resting. They have prepared a light blue big box full of gifts, my sister brought to me the finest chocolate bars ever made and a beautiful blue dress. My mom brought to me a golden watch and plenty other things. It was feelings I can’t explain, thank you all for your love and patience with me. I really enjoyed this out on pass shit.
Saturday 12th of November, I went to jarir bookstore to refresh my reading times with new books, I bought four: Zen in the Art of Writing by Ray Bradbury, The Creed of a Priest of Savoy by Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Russell by A. C. Grayling, In Pursuit of Elegance by Matthew E. May.
Sunday 13th of November, I’m getting ready to came back to hospital, I feel good and I hope I won’t stay long.
Tuesday 15th of November, I took a nap after lunch and I get up playing sudoku, I eat some dates and half an orange, now I’m waiting for a phone call, then I will get back on reading Russel’s book. They say if you have nothing to say, say nothing, and I say if you have nothing to say, say anything.
On Sunday 20 of November, today I completed three months of resident in hospital. It’s a lesson I learnt, just like many before.
Monday 21st of November, I’m for discharge on Thursday of this week, but things changed! hear this, I’m for discharge today!! They talk to my father, and he told them is their any clear reason for me to stay until Thursday? He also told them I want to get her out today, and doctors agreed!
Wednesday 23rd of November, I can’t explain how I feel, I’m finally free, I breathe the wild air enormously, I hope I will get back to school soon. Today, I rearranged some plans and put a new one. I will give them a report on my health case and I will start studying at distance “from home” I don’t have to go everyday to hear or see something that will bother me. I need to focus and get things done, and lose some weight.
On 27th of November I went to alanima bank, she filled all the papers and the bad luck attended, I knew that something bad is going to happen. I didn’t wrote in my past journals (specifically in august) the reason of the fight with my brother that sent me here for three months! The reason was: I wanted a bank account, and my brother delayed me. Anyway, my brother ID card was expired from a year and she couldn’t open an account. Yes, some people would find that strange why my brother Id and the account is for me?! It’s our nation rules, and we should follow it without a question. I also went to bought some winter clothes, I want to feel warm and cozy in home forever. I’m looking for an answer, looking around me, easily distracted, I’m looking for someone, something, what’s wrong with me?