March: Breath of a sandalwood 

Wednesday 8th of March, Here is gone a week now, without writing a word, I want to discuss the meaning of home this month but I don’t know if I will actually do it. Sometimes or a lot of times I’m totally bored, during long periods of the day. Sitting, watching tv programs and sometimes movies, playing chess or on social media apps in my phone. I didn’t meditate from a month maybe, I lost some weight and I feel thinner and lighter. My diary title this month is inspired by the usual smell of our home that we live in daily. Thursday 9th of March, Today marks the birth of a legendary chess champion and a big inspiration to me. Bobby Fischer we love you and you may Rest In Peace. Friday 10th of March, today was calm and sunny, I got up early, drinking hot green tea and listening to an old Bahraini folk song. I’m currently searching and watching pictures of many palaces around the world, home decoration inspired by the Victorian lifestyle, it’s fascinated me specially, that I’m a big fan of the minimalism movement and everything came later from contemporary arts and cultures, and I seriously want my home dreams to be Victorian and almost like a palace, and who doesn’t? Saturday, 18th of March, I had a vision of completely wonderful words, yesterday before sleeping and I totally forgot it when I got up. It’s just a line or maybe a sentence but i totally forget it, I’m trying to remember know hopefully it will come out to my mind later. Days are calm by the air, listening to killing joke for the first time from a while. Love them, and they will always be my all time favorites.
Teusday 21st of March, Depeche Mode released their new album ‘spirit’ this month and its absolutely incredible. I loved two songs the most from the album, the first is going backwards and it talks about technology and its bad use against humanity and how we’re going back to ‘man cave mentality’ by this, and it’s reminded me of what happened with me on hands of my government and how Edward Snowden reveals this secret project, I don’t remember it’s name and I don’t have a lot of information on USA’s project but in my case I know that they know everything about me. The second song is titled as ‘so much love’ and it talks about other human interactions, sufferings, pain and how after all this, there is no love. The album has the usual Depeche Mode atmosphere with a lot of electronics sound, after all, I gave it 8/10 rate. Monday, 27th of March, calm mornings, reading a lot of poems in the early hours, for Sylvia Plath, Anne Carson and Ted Hughes. Wednesday, 29th of March, at the end of this month, lovely moments are spent on learning French, listening to classical music, Dmitri Shostakovich precisely, and watching romantic films such as Lolita and An education and here is some remarks of Nabokov’s incredible classic, Lolita, beside fragments of the film’s script that was released in 1997.

She was “Lo”, plain “Lo” in the morning…
standing four-feet-ten in one sock.
She was “Lola” in slacks, she was “Dolly” at school…
she was “Dolores” on the dotted line.
In my arms she was always…
Lolita.
Light of my life…
fire of my loins.
My sin… my soul.
Lolita…

Gentlewomen of the jury…
If my happiness could’ve talked…
It would have filled that hotel with a deafening roar.
My only regret…
is that I did not immediately deposit key number 342 at the office and leave the town, the country, the planet, that very night.
“The Lord knows all, the Lord sees all, the Lord forgives all.”

Despite all that… I was in paradise.
Paradise whose skies were the color of hellflames.
But a paradise, still.

I looked and looked at her,
and I knew as clearly as I know that I will die… that I loved her more than anything I’d ever seen or imagined on earth.
She was only the dead leaf echo of the nymphet from long ago, but I loved her; this Lolita, pale and polluted, and big with another man’s child. She would fade and wither, I didn’t care. I would still go mad with tenderness… at the mere sight of her face.

Away from romanticism, there is a book I’ve always wanted to read, specially after reading ‘Chaos: making a new science’ to James Gleick before, in translated version of course, this book is breathtaking and brilliant and it’s titled ‘ The information: a history, a theory, a flood’ I’ve searched many websites to find an Arabic PDF version but unfortunately it’s not translated yet, so I was reading few remarks from the book and here it’s.

“For the purposes of science, information had to mean something special. Three centuries earlier, the new discipline of physics could not proceed until Isaac Newton appropriated words that were ancient and vague—force, mass, motion, and even time—and gave them new meanings. Newton made these terms into quantities, suitable for use in mathematical formulas. Until then, motion (for example) had been just as soft and inclusive a term as information. For Aristotelians, motion covered a far-flung family of phenomena: a peach ripening, a stone falling, a child growing, a body decaying. That was too rich. Most varieties of motion had to be tossed out before Newton’s laws could apply and the Scientific Revolution could succeed. In the nineteenth century, energy began to undergo a similar transformation: natural philosophers adapted a word meaning vigor or intensity. They mathematicized it, giving energy its fundamental place in the physicists’ view of nature. It was the same with information. A rite of purification became necessary. And then, when it was made simple, distilled, counted in bits, information was found to be everywhere.”

“Logic might be imagined to exist independent of writing—syllogisms can be spoken as well as written—but it did not. Speech is too fleeting to allow for analysis. Logic descended from the written word, in Greece as well as India and China, where it developed independently. Logic turns the act of abstraction into a tool for determining what is true and what is false: truth can be discovered in words alone, apart from concrete experience. Logic takes its form in chains: sequences whose members connect one to another. Conclusions follow from premises. These require a degree of constancy. They have no power unless people can examine and evaluate them. In contrast, an oral narrative proceeds by accretion, the words passing by in a line of parade past the viewing stand, briefly present and then gone, interacting with one another via memory and association.”

“The macromolecules of organic life embody information in an intricate structure. A single hemoglobin molecule comprises four chains of polypeptides, two with 141 amino acids and two with 146, in strict linear sequence, bonded and folded together. Atoms of hydrogen, oxygen, carbon, and iron could mingle randomly for the lifetime of the universe and be no more likely to form hemoglobin than the proverbial chimpanzees to type the works of Shakespeare. Their genesis requires energy; they are built up from simpler, less patterned parts, and the law of entropy applies. For earthly life, the energy comes as photons from the sun. The information comes via evolution. ”

“Evolution itself embodies an ongoing exchange of information between organism and environment …. The gene has its cultural analog, too: the meme. In cultural evolution, a meme is a replicator and propagator — an idea, a fashion, a chain letter, or a conspiracy theory. On a bad day, a meme is a virus.”

It’s not like reading poetry in English, I really need an Arabic version, I re-read it few times so I make sure that I understand what he’s saying but I can see that’s well written for an English speaker and I wanted to read it, specially that the subject is very interesting to me. Hopefully, they will translate it in the few coming years.

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February: Shimmering space

I must hurt you so good to reveal all this madness and ugliness. some people feels the insults deeply and they can’t forget when they get hurt. I get punished once for insulting someone for 3 years of my life, and I don’t know if he will still keep punishing me. First days of this month I was blogging a lot of shit on tumblr and I read many remarks for Hermann Hesse and Vladimir Nabokov. I’ve watched the danish girl it’s really beautiful and deeply breathtaking, so romantic and peaceful and the real painter Einar Wegener is a true hero. Monday, 6th of February, the weather is cold and sullen today, 14 degrees in the morning. Me, drinking coffee and touching my glasses and I feel like a real writer, I want to buy a typewriter one day so I can complete the image I’ve drawn in my imagination for myself. I want to write a thousand word in this month and hope for every month, just like September of 2016. It’s not a word race more than a mind trace, I want to organize my thoughts and experience writing many words on a paper and finally I’m finished for today. Tuesday, 7th of February, I was talking to an Egyptian man on Facebook, from long time I didn’t talk to someone and he’s a civil engineer by day and music producer by night. He made a beautiful song dedicated to me and he named it ” Ode to Somayah” I really loved it and he’s absolutely talented. We’ve shared photos of each other and I was shocked because he was black and I’ve never been in a relationship with a black person, although he likes me a lot but I’m sure that we will never be more than friends since I have enormous troubles with a black guy I’ve mentioned before in my previous journals.
Wednesday, 8th of February and there is a new guy I’m obsessed with right now, I add him on Snapchat few days ago. His name is Faisal Alghazzwi he’s a public figure and certified stylist beside being a brands ambassador, he’s so funny on his snaps and I really like watching and enjoying his social media accounts, he’s very captivating and he has the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen, I don’t want to forget to mention that he’s Saudi and his zodiac sign is Aries and finally he lives in Jeddah, he made my day and thank your for making us smile with you. Saturday, 11th of February, today, I’m breathing and happy that I’m a live. I’m going to enjoy these small moments and I’m going to live in the moment without worries of tomorrow. I’m not going to carry the past for I’m a new person everyday, I’m not going to ask for more or less, I’m going to avoid distractions and I don’t want anything to disturb me in my journey through life. Tuesday, 14th of February is a rainy day with lots of memories and laughs. I read many citations for the poetic of space by Gaston Bachelard and this book is on my reading list. I remark, “We comfort ourselves by reliving memories of protection. Something closed must retain our memories, while leaving them their original value as images. Memories of the outside world will never have the same tonality as those of home and, by recalling these memories, we add to our store of dreams; we are never real historians, but always near poets, and our emotion is perhaps nothing but an expression of a poetry that was lost.” And here he said: “And all the spaces of our past moments of solitude, the spaces in which we have suffered from solitude, enjoyed, desired, and compromised solitude, remain indelible within us and precisely because the human being wants them to remain so. He knows instinctively that this space identified with his solitude is creative; that even when it is forever expunged from the present, when, henceforth, it is alien to all the promises of the future, even when we no longer have a garret, when the attic room is lost and gone, there remains the fact that we once loved a garret, once lived in an attic. We return to them in our night dreams. These retreats have the value of a shell. And when we reach the very end of the labyrinths of sleep, when we attain to the regions of deep slumber, we may perhaps experience a type of repose that is pre-human; pre-human, in this case, approaching the immemorial. But in the daydream itself, the recollection of moments of confined, simple, shut-in space are experiences of heartwarming space, of a space that does not seek to become extended, but would like above all still to be possessed. In the past, the attic may have seemed too small, it may have seemed cold in winter and hot in summer. Now, however, in memory recaptured through daydreams, it is hard to say through what syncretism the attic is at once small and large, warm and cool, always comforting.” I’m in love with his poetic language and atmosphere, since we’re in Valentine’s Day, philosophy seemed glimmering in a new uniform; in his words and works. Monday, 20 of February, “you get ready you get all dressed up to go nowhere in particular, back to work or the coffee shop doesn’t matter cause it’s enough to be young and in love” Lana’s new single, I didn’t like it that much, she actually released it on 19th of February. It has her touch and like most of her song’s lyrics: young, dressed up, party dress, cruise, blues, crazy and so on. Hope I can complete more than 20 book this year, I usually read around this amount per year but this time I want to raise my attic.